… while waiting on lab results
Even before we reached our car outside, my mind was in overdrive. The message from our dermatologist traumatized me.
After he performed a biopsy on a suspicious spot on my back, I asked my doctor, “So what are the steps here?” His answer describing steps 1, 2, 3—and even step 4—evaporated into thin air.
I only heard Step 5: “At that point you will be referred to a surgeon, because we will need to remove a lymph node.”
Great. Suddenly, right there in my generic hospital gown, standing barefoot on the linoleum floor, my life flashed before me; my end felt fixed.
Scurrying to the privacy of our vehicle, from over my shoulder Larry stepped in with this strong advice:
“Don’t go to the dark side. Debby, you do not need to go to Vain Imagination Theology.”*
Easy for him to say. How did he know where my thoughts were going? How did he know my mind was already working on a doctorate degree in Vain Imagination Theology? How? How? How?!
I said, “Well, this would certainly change our schedule, and would be extremely inconvenient.”
To which he countered, “That is how everyone feels when this happens to them.”
There it was. No special privileges, no exceptions, no shortcuts, no missionary exemptions. Would my life in this fallen world now coalesce with dermatology and a biopsy to yield a frightening outcome? Only God knew. And while I waited, would I give in to Vain Imagination Theology riddled with menacing what if’s?
As we drove away, somehow, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I resurrected verses pertinent to the situation, and attempted to place my negative thoughts and emotions into the Hand of God. With every fiber of my being, I sought to follow the ancient path of His promises, but I felt shaky.
“My Presence will go with you and I will give you rest.” (no matter what your future holds) Exodus 33:14
“My soul finds rest in God alone.” (not in the state of my health) Psalm 62:1
“Wait upon the Lord.” (not lab results) Psalm 27:14a
“Lean not to your own understanding.” (in how and why this came to pass) Proverbs 3:5
Once home from the appointment, in the privacy of my bedroom, I poured out my frightened heart in prayer: God, please be God of my thoughts; please be God of my waiting; please be God of a healthy lab report.
In the ensuing hours, I danced with two partners, first one and then the other, as Trust and Worry both took their turn with me on the dance floor of my mind. Blissfully, I glided across the floor with Trust, only to have Worry tap Trust on the shoulder and demand to cut in.
The next morning, Friday, I prayed, “Lord, please have mercy and defy the doctor’s predicted timeline. Please reveal a benign report. And please have it come today, thus blessing our weekend with an awareness of good health.”
Back and forth, back and forth, my mental dance continued. Throughout the day I thought about my dermatologist and about my biopsy, but, thankfully, our workload offered a merciful distraction.
Late in the afternoon, my husband ran into a small café to get a coffee, and I remained in the car. I needed a breather, a moment of solitude and silent prayer. Daylight was fading, and I felt the darkness bringing on a new surge of menacing thoughts. Then …
What? Was that my phone alert? How did I not hear the ring? Oh! There is a voice message. Oh, dear. Who called?
With heart racing and fingers trembling, I sought the audible recording. And there it was, the undeniable voice of a medical messenger on the other end of the line. “Hello, Mrs. Thompson,” static, static, static … The same invisible barrier which prevented my hearing the ring was now fully asserting its strength to prevent my hearing the message!
… Dr …’s office calling (break up … static, static, static). You have a blue n…. (more broken phrases and partial words). By this time—with pulse racing and palms sweating—I fairly jumped out of my skin. Where was this headed?! Crackle, sputter …
Then with crystal clear clarity: “NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND.”
I doubled over with weakness, and engaged in worship. “God be praised! God be praised! Thank You, Sweet Jesus!
As I shared the sketchy conversation with Larry, my heart overflowed with gratitude. God answered both of my heart cries: “Lord, please have mercy and defy the doctor’s predicted timeline. Please reveal a benign report. And please have it come today, Friday, thus blessing our weekend with an awareness of good health.”
For this one time, God said, “Benign.” I know there will be other times for me and for those I love, but this time—on a Friday afternoon over a scratchy voice message delivered through a doctor’s nurse—God said, “Benign.” Vain Imagination Theology was not awarded a degree.
Living With Eternal Intentionality®
“My soul finds rest in God alone. My salvation comes from Him” (Psalm 62:1).
What is your most recent experience with Vain Imagination Theology?
When Trust and Worry fight to dance with you, how do you strategically choose your partner?
*Vain Imagination Theology is a term the Holy Spirit entrusted to my husband, Larry. Until that moment, I had never heard him use it.
