Think Before You Ask

The moment the words passed through the door of my lips, I longed to retract them. My question regarding her brother’s death entered our conversation prematurely in our newfound friendship. In my enthusiasm to connect, I did damage. The painful look on this dear woman’s face remained with me long after the encounter.

Would you agree that our society values (perhaps, over values) asking questions? In fact, websites abound to prove the popularity of this lucrative industry of intrigue.

You and I are led to believe:

• The artfully articulated question

• Spoken in the correct tone

• At just the right moment

• With appropriate body language

• Will work wonders

Right? Well, perhaps.

But, have you ever asked a question you wish you had not asked? I certainly have. In fact, the moment the words passed through the door of my lips, I wanted to retract them. My question regarding her brother’s death entered our conversation prematurely in our newfound friendship. In my genuine enthusiasm to connect, I did damage. The painful look on this dear woman’s face, as she struggled to respond, still remains with me. Therefore, I take to heart the admonition: Think Before You Ask.

Think Before You Ask

What types of questions are not constructive? Questions like the following:

1. Why do you keep doing that?

2. Will you ever learn?

3. How could you be so careless?

4. Why couldn’t you be like _________? (Your sister, her husband, my dad?)

5. How much did you spend?

6. Are you still trying to lose weight?

7. What were you thinking?

8. Why did it take you so long?

9. When do you plan to have another child?

10. Why did you wear that?

11. What kind of cancer took his life?

Think Before You Ask

What are guidelines to help us determine if a question is appropriate or inappropriate?

Curiosity over compassion:

No one likes to feel his or her life is the site of an archeological dig. If our curiosity is driving our inquiry, we need to back away.

Wrong motivation:

Our ulterior motive carries influence. In spite of our best efforts to cover up, if at the core of our question, there is a nosy, judgmental or pharisaical bent, we should remain quiet.

Wrong time:

Maybe we want to ask, maybe we ought to ask, and maybe we need to ask. But maybe Not Now. I particularly see this in my marriage. Timing can make the critical difference in determining if a question is a good question or a bad question.

Wrong assumption:

Do I need to know? Perhaps, the answer to the query is actually none of my business. Discretion and wisdom need to be our forerunners in asking questions. As mentioned earlier, are we genuinely concerned, or are we just curious?

Wrong person:

Could it be that someone else should be asking this question? Perhaps the question is one hundred percent appropriate, but a better outcome would transpire if someone else asked.

Think Before You Ask

So, are we still encouraged to ask questions? Yes, of course.

We just need to Ask Him before we ask them.

Living With Eternal Intentionality®

When do you recall being asked a question that you wish you had never been asked?

When did you ask a question you should not have asked?

How did The Lord lead you out of the dilemma?

"You Do Not Want to Leave, Too, Do You?"

(Part 3 in a Series of Classic Questions: What Are You Doing Here, and Not a Multiple Choice Answer)

Commitment. In my youth, I began a personal relationship with the God of the universe, but as I grew older, I dodged a wholehearted spiritual commitment. Fear stood as a menacing roadblock. I feared God would ruin my life, if I made a commitment to follow Him irrevocably. Commitment. What if He wanted more from me than I wanted to offer?

Then, as a university student, my childhood relationship with The Lord underwent a dramatic transformation, and I willingly released the control and authority of my life into His Hands. Commitment changed my destiny.

Once I made the irrevocable commitment to follow Him for all of my days, living with eternal intentionality became my spiritual North Star. I traded my will for His and began the meaningful journey for which I was created.

Commitment stands at the heart of Jesus’ question in The Gospel of John, and ultimately, it is a question that His Follower must answer. Perhaps my personal journey quantifies my acute sensitivity to His query in John 6:67: “You do not want to leave too, do you?”

Were there still opportunities to turn away? Yes.

“You do not want to leave too, do you?”

- a threatening miscarriage: lying in a Communist hospital bed in a ward surrounded by numerous other women, solely dependant on my husband to provide my food and necessities

“You do not want to leave too, do you?”

- a season of exhausting transition: landing with my family in a refugee hotel with our small children crying at night, thus provoking residents to knock on our walls, demanding silence

These and other situations have taught me that, when commitment collides with life, and Jesus asks, “You do not want to leave too, do you?”:

• No one can answer His question for me. I must respond for myself.

• Challenging circumstances cloud spiritual visibility, thus tempting one to make the erroneous assumption that a self-directed course correction will minimizes life’s difficulties.

• It is ALWAYS right to say Yes to Jesus.

• Following Jesus will never be easy; oh, but it will always be abundantly blessed!

• Peter’s answer nails it every time, in every situation, in every intersection of life: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life” (John 6:68).

  Living With Eternal Intentionality™

When have you heard Jesus ask you the question, “You do not want to leave too, do you?”

10 Tips to Transform Your Travel

Aka How to Pack a Suitcase

Humiliation. Not good. My innermost beings were strewn across the tile floor of the airport lobby. The check-in agent had declared my bag overweight. With her czarina-type declaration, the purging commenced. I was hot and unhappy.

Slinging, flinging, shoving, and stuffing commenced. Other passengers tried to step around me offering their unwanted bits of advice. Some were sarcastic, some were sympathetic; none were helpful. I was in a race against the clock. I muttered under my breath, “If I ever get out of this alive, it will NEVER happen again.”

The disastrous day is a distant memory, but I still find myself thinking a suitcase is a tool of the devil. The iconic symbol of travel threatens like nothing else to bring out the grrrr in me.

So, can anything be done to rise above this onslaught of decision-making that precedes getting out the door on a trip? Yes, peaceful packing can become a practice. After more than 45 years of travel, I have gleaned a few tips to help eliminate the paralyzing what if, and send you sailing with a jolly “Bon Voyage.”

Here they are:

1. Pray. Take charge. Don’t overthink; be decisive.

2. Start two days ahead. Place your suitcase in a separate room other than your bedroom. Do your laundry first.

3. Place hanging clothes on a door rack to view your choices.

4. Pack in daylight, not at night. Begin by counting out underwear.

5. Use Eagle Creek packing cubes for categories.

6. Think simple, think solids.

7. Minimize shoes. Always take a dress.

8. Remove at least 2 items. Be realistic, but not ruthless. You do need clothes and supplies where you are going.

9. Place a versatile windbreaker and a small empty duffle in the outside pocket of your suitcase.

10. Know your enemy. Weigh bags at home.

Once the suitcase is zipped, and you are ready to go, you can pull up to the airport curb without a knot in your stomach. As the ticket agent smiles at you and says, “Place your bag here on the scale,” you can confidently look her in the eye, knowing that you made the cut. Victory! Bye-bye bag.

Question: What is your best packing tip?