Rise Up and Call Her Blessed

A Tribute: Thank you for giving me life.

On this Mother’s Day, I pause to honor you. While your friends know you as Dorothy Faye, your grandchildren know you as Gammy, and your great-grandchildren know you as Great Gammy, being your only daughter, I know you as Mama. And this privilege stands as one of God’s richest and most precious gifts to me. Thus, I begin my tribute.

Thank you for tirelessly meeting my needs, joyfully putting my desires before your own, and willingly giving of your very self on my behalf. Because you invested your life in equipping me to live mine—wherever I go and whatever I do—I feel prepared.

Spiritually, you taught me that life was to be lived loving God and serving people. One of the sweetest recollections I have of growing up is your teaching me the 23rd Psalm for recitation in my kindergarten program. Without a doubt, my heart’s yearning for the Word of God goes back to that beginning. And you taught me to sing “Jesus Loves Me.” Every day I experience unspeakable joy in the reality of those precious, life-changing words learned so long ago.

Security and significance are anchored in the core of my being. Somehow, in some incredible way, you consistently made me feel loved, accepted and valued.

Turning the pages of memories brings a smile. Somehow you managed to convey the joy and dignity of being a lady while granting me the freedom to be a tomboy. You taught (and enforced) good grooming and simultaneously applauded my wearing cowboy boots and getting dirty. From you, I learned to treasure the smell of gardenias, conversation over a cup of coffee with a friend, Southern recipes, and the deep love of family. Oh, I am so grateful! And, that morning you let me roller-skate before school outdoors in my pajamas demonstrated to me that some rules are better broken.

Thank you for the high priority you have placed on communication. You demonstrated that there is simply no substitute for time spent together. All those hours logged in the car driving to and from town provided the perfect opportunity to talk. Praise God, our disagreements—typically over hairstyle, dress length, or tardiness—remained short-lived. And I cannot recall one single event that I participated in that you did not attend. How amazing!

Whenever I have needed assistance or advice, you made yourself available. You have never, and I truly mean never, been too busy for me. In all the decades we lived so far away, you made sure our relationship stayed close. Distance only served to enhance the warmth and assurance of your love and involvement in my life. Still, you remain my loyal, devoted prayer warrior, my go-to for guidance on sorting out schedule conflicts, and my better-than-Google resource regarding all things culinary.

Mama, I learned from you to cherish the calling of wife and mother. In you, I found the perfect model. You are so incredibly unselfish. You have always been willing to cheerfully sacrifice for the good of our family. And, I must add, you have written the book on how to be an ideal grandmother. Oh, that I might live to have the awesome privilege of hearing my grandchildren and great-grandchildren say the words of me that your grandchildren say about you!

Proverbs 31:28 states, “Her children rise up and call her blessed.” May this be a day of celebration for you. What a privilege that, within our mother-daughter relationship, I can call you my best friend. Mama, you are deeply loved and eternally appreciated. To God be all the praise and glory.

I love you dearly,

Debby

First day of 1st grade, 1956

Living With Eternal Intentionality®

Consider writing a tribute to your mother, or your spiritual mother, whether she still lives or has passed away. While you may intentionally write it to her, you will discover enormous benefits for yourself.

Will you please tell me what you think about this suggestion?

Parental Regret

“I need to hear this; this is good stuff. Debby, this needs to be your next blog post. No, I’m serious; I need to hear this.” 

I listened over the phone to a young, energetic, hardworking, doing-it-right mom. Her love for Jesus, selfless devotion to her family, and involvement in the lives of others set this woman apart. Yet, this morning, her story revealed a deep sadness. The pain she and I discussed involved a child, a disappointment, a broken heart, a shattered dream, and an uncertain outcome. I could relate.

Embracing the pain in her mother’s heart, I offered, “____," (and I called her by name) “one of my greatest regrets as a parent is that I did not teach my children how to navigate suffering.” 

“One of my greatest regrets as a parent is that I did not teach my children how to navigate suffering.”

— Living With Eternal Intentionality®

Here is what I did wrong:

•    I tried too hard to protect them from suffering. Yet, life does not give us the luxury of avoidance. Injury, illness, insult, and pain are inevitable ingredients of human existence.

•    I attempted to rewrite the script. Hello! You can’t rewrite the script. Disappointment, hurt, and heartache punctuate life. Right? Editing and re-editing these realities will not make them go away.

Here is what I would do differently:

•    I would reevaluate my ineffective efforts to erase their pain. A mother can comfort, a mother can come alongside; a mother cannot eradicate pain.

•    I would release the futile attempt to rewrite the script that edits out pain since this promotes an unrealistic view of life. 

•    I would pray for wisdom, and strive to find that blessed sweet place where reality and comfort—walking hand in hand—gently lead to God and, by His Spirit, growth. 

And here is the key:

•    I would spend more time teaching my children equipping skills of walking with suffering, not seeking to eliminate suffering.

Skills training would look like this:

Acknowledge their pain; it is real

Acknowledge what is true, both for them and for you

Smother them with authentic, heartfelt comfort

Guide them through the situation with an invaluable, supernatural set of lenses. Help them navigate the situation at hand while preparing them for life’s obstacle course ahead. Such life skills will provide bedrock stability when the waves of suffering threaten to destroy. 

Upon reflection, a principle emerges: Fear of suffering prevents us from being prepared for suffering.

“Fear of suffering prevents us from being prepared for suffering. ”

— Living With Eternal Intentionality®

Another young mom in my life takes us to the heart of suffering. Listen and learn from Jody. I have known her since she was a little girl. Now she is mom to a suffering young man, and her heart and words reveal wisdom beyond her years. With Jody's permission, I share her letter to her son, whose name has been changed.

“We can’t take this from you. We can’t create an alternate, less-painful route for you. We can’t answer why.”

— Jody

Dear Landon,

 It’s another big day for you. Another big month.

No sugar coating necessary; we all know there is nothing fun about this. 

We know you are scared. In an instant, your Dad and I would take your place.

To our great heartbreak, we cannot take this from you.

To our great frustration, way too often the only answer we can give is “I don’t know.”

We can’t take this from you. We can’t create an alternate, less-painful route for you. We can’t answer why.

But here’s what we can do. We can promise you this:

You will not be alone.

We will climb this mountain, we will fight this battle, we will hold your hand for as long as this takes. For the duration of our lives, if you need us that long.

We are so, so proud of you. You are stronger than you know.

Let’s make this count, shall we?

Every ounce of our love, Mom and Dad

Thank you, Jody; thank you for guiding us down a better path. 

Living With Eternal Intentionality®

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort” (2 Corinthians 1:3).

What about you? How have you as a parent prepared your children for the inevitability of suffering?

Describe how walking alongside someone else in and through their suffering has developed your own faith in the God of all Comfort.

Restoration, Susie's Story

Guest Post Susie Thomas has been living as God’s child for more than 35 years, a mother for 17, and the wife of a crazy visionary leader for 21. She teaches school in conjunction with her family’s current assignment in Kigali, Rwanda. For their amazing, God-anointed calling, click the link to read about the ministry she and her husband Ben founded B2THEWORLD.

Now,

Susie’s Restoration Story

Last night I had dinner with a friend. She and I have known each other for almost 20 years, but life circumstances and ministry assignments have kept us mostly out of touch for a lot of that time. Though we currently live over 9,000 miles apart, a shared experience has knit us tightly together.

Six years after I went through brain cancer treatment, she was diagnosed with breast cancer. When I was sick, she sent me cute headbands and clunky-cool earrings to brighten my day. When it was her turn, we sent Graeter’s ice cream.

So, last night was fun. But it was also deep, teary, and heavy with reflection.

What Tanya and I have in common goes so much beyond diagnosis, hair loss, and feelings about our MRIs. What we share is rooted in thanksgiving and awe at God’s graciousness.

He didn’t and doesn’t owe us healing. And, to be honest, I didn’t much pray for it, so sure was I that that wasn’t what God had for me. I prayed for my kids and for Ben and our families, that He’d sustain us as we suffered great loss.

“When you’re dying (or think you are), a plethora of options present themselves.”

— Susie Thomas

When you’re dying (or think you are), a plethora of options present themselves: prayer, bucket lists, denial, obsessive funeral planning, and goodbyes, making amends, making something -anything- of the time you have left. It’s a smorgasbord of coping mechanisms.

Within each of these are hidden a gift and a temptation. The gift of intention and preparation sits next to the temptation to become the author of the rest of your story. I made plans for Ben to marry again (which he is still upset about), plans to protect my children’s happiness.

All the while, the voice of Jesus quietly asked me to let Him handle it—to let Him be my restor-er. I expected Him to handle it in a way that at least loosely resembled my plans. “I got these plans started, God,” my heart said, “but You take it from here.”

“My family’s restoration threatened to become my project as I made plans for the time we had left together, and their life when I was gone. ”

— Susie Thomas

My family’s restoration threatened to become my project as I made plans for the time we had left together, and their life when I was gone. None of these plans were bad or sinful, nor was the making of them. They were a wife and mother’s loving gift to her family.

But God gently wrestled my plans away from me and offered something so much better than a Plan B. He offered me and us True Restoration.

He gave me life when I made my peace with death.

He gave us anniversaries and birthdays and celebrations and graduations.

He gave me the career I’d dreamed about since I was a child and set aside for years.

He gave us Annie, and me the time to know her well and make memories with her.

He gave us a house and roots and tangible beauty in a home so far from home.

He gave back what cancer had taken from us, and what we’d laid down in submissive sacrifice.

He gave us more than we’d asked for and keeps giving every day.

Restoration is not a transaction. And it’s not an event. It’s an ongoing experience of receiving and participating in God’s plan of putting things back the way He meant them to be.

“Restoration is not a transaction. And it’s not an event. ”

— Susie Thomas

I share this little glimpse of my restoration with you in celebration of my eleventh birthday, since the doctor told me I had three to five years to live. I share it in celebration of Tanya’s three and a half years of life and ministry since surgery made her cancer-free. I share it in celebration of Rwanda’s restoration.

I share it in thankfulness that part of God’s restoration was His inclusion of me in helping to found B2theworld. I share it in hope for the people and stories that are right now, broken and breaking. I share it as a prayer for them to the God who promises to restore the years the locusts have eaten.

Iraq, Cameroon, Pakistan, Sudan, Yemen, Ukraine, North Korea, and others are places in need of God’s restoration. But more importantly, they are full of children and families God longs to restore.

In my story, God asked me to step back and let Him do it. In their story, God invites me to join in and participate in the restoration He’s working. Their restoration becomes part of mine, and mine becomes part of theirs. How beautiful.

Living With Eternal Intentionality®

Listen as Susie shares her story, Restored and Restoring, at this YouTube link.