Two Words that Pack a Punch

We were new, they were new, and the future of our relationship held promise. I liked everything I had heard about her, and couldn’t wait to be her friend. With so much in common, friendship was a given…at least that was my Assumption. Yet, when invitations were not reciprocated, and phone calls were not returned, it became obvious that my Expectations were not going to be realized.

Assumptions and Expectations

For many years, I was naïve concerning the power of these two words. Nice words...useful in one’s vocabulary...harmless. What is the big deal? Well, it is a big deal. These two words pack a powerful punch inside families, friendships, offices, organizations, courtrooms, and conference rooms. 

No longer oblivious, I am now a keen observer to the power they contain. In and of themselves, these are just two benign words. But place them inside a relationship and trouble starts brewing.

Consider the right punch.

Assumptions:

A presuming, on one’s part, about the actions of another. (my definition)

I assumed you were making the reservations.

I assumed you were going to make the phone call.

I assumed you were paying the bill.

I assumed you were driving the children.

I assumed she would pay the difference.

I assumed they would let us know before now.

I assumed you were ok when I didn’t hear back from you.

I assumed you were putting gas in the car (or picking up the cleaning, or stopping by the bank).

I assumed my in-laws were available.

I assumed you and your team would complete the project.

The result? Friction and frustration.

Now consider the left punch.

Expectations:

An unrealistic premise regarding the affairs of life and relationships. (my definition)

I expected the conference to be better.

I expected the relationship to last longer.

I expected my job review to result in a raise.

I expected the church to step in.

I expected the partnership to flourish.

Sadly, expectations, when unfulfilled, hold the power to rob the joy of what is in the face of wrestling with what is not.

Similarities:

Assumptions and Expectations are subtle

Assumptions and Expectations operate within a person’s own mind and emotions

Assumptions and Expectations have a life of their own

Assumptions and Expectations are more important than we want to admit

Assumptions and Expectations have the power to disappoint and derail life and relationships

Solutions:

Is it possible to take the power out of the punch of these two words? Yes, but this will require mature intentionality. Solutions are available, but they don’t come instinctively. Here are four suggestions that are working for me:

1. Take personal ownership of one’s thought life; vigilantly monitor your thinking.

2. Take personal responsibility for communication in relationships.

3. Take care to reject passive aggressive behavior.

4. Take a step back, take a deep breath, and cut humanity, yourself included, some slack.

A Step Forward: It has aptly been said, “Expectations are seldom spoken until they are broken.” Think about it. Do you agree?

Want to Know a Secret?

                                                                            Because you asked...

Labor Day is here. For your last summer gathering, I want to share a secret with you: Gammy's Banana Pudding recipe. After I posted a picture of this dessert on Facebook for the 4th of July, requests began to come in, asking that I share the recipe. Now is the perfect time.

Gammy's Banana Pudding has a reputation. It has been served at wedding receptions, family reunions, potlucks, and pool parties for as long as I can remember. Why, my nephew Louis even made it for his Major League Baseball team when he was with the Kansas City Royals. Now that he is with the Dodger's, he gave it to the team chefs to make. "They whipped it up to perfection," (Louis), and the Menu for the Day read: Gammy's Banana Pudding. 

That's not all. Just recently, my daughter Grace, with a pregnancy craving, phoned my Mother, Gammy, for the recipe. Patiently, step-by-step, over the phone, Grandmother coached Granddaughter in the finer nuances of making Gammy's Banana Pudding.  

So you see, one generation after another loves this culinary creation. For us, it meets needs on many different levels as it soothes, satisfies, encourages and delights. And since we don't want to be selfish, I requested and received permission to share this with you. Blessings from our family!

Remember: this is a make-a-memory recipe. Like many memory makers, this is not fast, and it can’t be made the day before. There are no shortcuts. The finished product is delicious, but will need focus and effort. So, put on your apron, get out your prep bowls, and select your serving dish. Have heavy boiler, wire whisk, and wooden spoon handy. Are you ready? Here we go!

Gammy’s Banana Pudding

Ingredients:

6 bananas
4 c. whole milk
4 eggs
1 ¼ c. sugar
1 ½ T. cornstarch
2 T. vanilla
1 stick of butter
Pinch of salt
1 ½ box of Vanilla Wafers (Nabisco, original)

Instructions:                                                                                  

Step 1
Stir cornstarch into the sugar.
Add salt.
In a separate bowl, beat the eggs.
Pour dry mixture on top of the eggs; beat by hand, removing lumps.

Step 2
Heat the milk slowly on low, but do not boil. 
When a skim should forms on the surface, remove from heat.
Remove half of the warm milk from the stove and slowly pour this ½ of the warm milk into the egg mixture, stirring as you pour. 
Pour the combined milk and egg mixture slowly back into the original milk.
Place the complete mixture back on the stove. 

Step 3
Stir forever, nonstop. A low to low-medium heat is all this can take.
When the mixture thickens, you will have a rich custard. 
Remove from the heat and stir in vanilla and butter. 
If there are lumps, don’t panic, but do get rid of them. Pour the entire mixture through a strainer. You want to achieve the texture of silk.

Hint: One of my pleasures is dipping vanilla wafers from the box into this mixture before I proceed. Invite others to join you. 

Step 4
Layer into your favorite bowl, round or rectangle
Layer whole vanilla wafers first
Add a sliced banana
Add a layer of custard
Repeat once or twice, depending on the size of your bowl
Always ending with vanilla wafers on top
Keep in a cool place and serve soon, to avoid refrigeration

Intentions:

To bring joy to you and those you love. Rarely do we have leftovers, but if so, be sure to refrigerate. 

I am eager to hear from you on your culinary foray into the world of homemade Gammy's Banana Pudding. When I share a recipe, I have only one request: will you please pray for me when you make this? Thank you!

Just Show Up

I am at the Rio 2016 Olympics and this is a guest post from a remarkable woman, Susan B. Mead. 

Susan, author, survivor, and an individual who has dealt with multiple losses, is an empathetic, powerful, sought-after speaker with real answers to life’s tough questions. Susan is a Senior Ordained Chaplain, Certified by the International Critical Incident Stress Foundation, for individuals and groups suffering trauma. Susan’s best-selling book Dance with Jesus: From Grief to Grace, is available on Amazon.

Susan tweets @SusanBMead, posts scripture graphics daily on Facebook and Instagram and hosts the DanceWithJesus™ blog linkup each Friday at her website, SusanBMead.com. 

 

Just Show Up

Have you ever lost something dear to you? You looked high and low – then looked again, retracing every step and picking up every piece of paper in your path. Yet you were disappointed, distraught and even disgusted with yourself (or whomever!) for losing it in the first place. 

Yea, me too.

My husband’s wedding ring seemed to be missing – again. Not the first time, but the second time this year, his wedding band turned up  MIA.

Anger, hurt, and dismay warred in me.  He remembers his watch, yet forgets ME?  When he removes his wedding ring it seems to distance me from his heart in my mind.

Anybody else ever dealt with these thoughts and feelings, for whatever reason?

Was I out of my mind to think like this? Holt loves me – and was distraught at the loss – his loss.  So much emotion at play for both of us, which is a very vulnerable place to be.  

Would I wind up words to hurl them, hurting him – and our marriage – over a thing – his ring?

Or would I line up beside him, raising hands and praising God for His faithfulness to us.  God kept us together through the hardest loss of all, the loss of a child, a son, our youngest one.

Does a thing – a ring – really matter?

Truth hit me – square in the face.  This is exactly where the enemy wants me – and you – to be. Warring with our husbands – for whatever reason.

So we looked again, thinking just show up, please. Seemed like nothing – except prayer and praise – would raise this ring!
God knocked on my heart early, so up I got and down I sat to read His Word and pray His will – with a special prayer raised for revealing the ring, restoring the thing that symbolizes my husband’s commitment to our marriage. Please let it just show up, God.

Knock, knock, Holt rapped on my door, something he seldom does when I pray. He just showed up at the door, raised his hand, revealing his ring, restored to it’s rightful place!

You know what he said? “It just showed up on the middle of my dresser, in plain sight.”

Praise God! Only You, God, place that which is lost right in front of us – when we just show up in prayer and praise, trusting You to show up when we need You most.